pointless?

i honestly don't know how i cope?
i'm such a failer.
honestly?

i hope my ex gets better.
i miss him.

20th April 2010.

today, i seen my ex tj...
i was walking into the mall with his brother ryan, who is practically my brother. anyways...
he saw me, and i was like : i tried to stay happy so he knew that i was okay and shit. but honestly, i wasn't. When i seen him a part of me, got all tingley inside, and i was like so happy... but then i figured "he's not mine" thats all i thought bascially.
He saw me, and his lips moved as he said "what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck" he stared at me, and then moved his hand like as in saying come over here to me and ryan.. we did he looked at me and then after that he completely ignored me..
i miss him so much, i love him so much.
i just wish me and him would be alright again. i keep thinking we'll get back together but i honestly think this is the end, of that long hard road. I cannot move on, i've tried, i be happy for like two days and i think of him. His face, everything, the memories.
i miss it.
i wish i could have just talked to him today.

he looks great, better, happier. i'm glad. I just want him back.
start all over again.

i'm sorry i fail.

true people.

There is one friend, i would like to thank. My dearest friend Rebecca! she's helping through with tj and everything and she's been great.
lately i'vee been thinking positive! and laughing at stupid and sad things, i thought was the end of the world!
literally i cannot stop laughing!
she makes me laugh.
everything just seems to make me laugh!
i'm glad i'm getting back all my friends i had.
i love them a lot.
thanks guys.

should i be?

is honestly amazed that anything i do just reminds me of your face. That face i loved. That face that used to tell me right from wrong. That face that didn't do the things you do now. The face that would tell me "i love you anna". That face....

no please no.

i can't stop crying. tonights the worst night.
i've cried fo at least a half and hour.
i miss him so much,
but he's hurt me so much.
and i can't take it anymore.
i'm trying so hard to forget you.
but i can't.
not just yet. there is so much more to you, i need to know.
but you've moved on.



i love you...

let it all out.

i think its so annoying how little grade sevens, think relationships and love like is stupid? i mean grade seven and eight, you have little relationships, i mean going out for like 5 days and you "love" them yanno?
well this one boy is thinking he's amazing, and fucking my relationship up cause he thinks mine and my ex's relationship (well, which is no longer on) is shit.
i doubt he knows he's doing it. But anything i do, he has to report back to tj.
or i mean, say stuff he hears.
like on camp, i told my friend what tj had asked me, straight away when i got home he bloody told tj everything i said.
tj was like what the fuck pretty much.
and he's always asking whats wrong, why are you annoyed, oh anna why are you upset. And i fucking am not, he honestly doesn't understand how much i fucking love tj. But no he thinks love is justt love and you get over it just like that. but fucking hell its not.
i know i would have been like him when i was in grade seven but fuck!
its annoying me so much anything i do, he has to make sound bad. and make tj annoyed at me. GAH.

what?

i miss you so much, you have no idea.
i love you teej. :'(

jerk.

so today, i seen my ex.
caught the bus to town with him, it was so awkward, i had so many things i wanted to scream out to him but i just couldn't. i ignored him all day in town.
i hardly seen him though, which was okay so i didn't have the need to cry.
but just as the day was ending, i pretty much hung out with his friends.. and of course he was there. i ignored him. now he's saying that it was immature of me to ignore him like that. what the hell, what does he call ignoring? i mean, not talking yeah fair enough. He ignored me for three hole days! and he thinks i was ignoring him. fuck it makes me angry to think that he thought i was ignoring him! i honestly wish he had talked to me, rang me texted me. whatever, i just wanted some answer to know that he was still there for me. but no. i get nothing. and still nothing he's still cold as ice. there are just so many mean things i just wanna say to him. but the thing that keeps running throughout my mind is.... amy. his ex. Her friend told her last night we broke up, wooo for her. she would have loved that so much i reckon she cummed. and now she's been a bitch to her boyfriend? pfft slack.
i honestly don't believe in what love does to you now. Makes you feel sick after the break up.
why can't we all just not have love and just like one another. the world would be fucking peaceful i reckon.

backstabbing whore.

okay, so me and my boyfriend broke up.
his fault, he broke up with me.

and yeah, i've bene crying for two hole says.
the selfish boy doesn't text me once to see how i am. or whatever.
doesn't reply to anyone about me.
how fucked up is that?
makes me very annoyed, he doesn't even care about me anymore.
to my advantage, i care about him a lot, and i doubt it he cares anymore.
wow you got over that quick boy.

what is it?

love?
what is it really?
a word - correct, tick, %100
but what does it really mean?
you love someone, means there important, you get a tingley feeling when your around them, you just get all giggly inside, you smile - and you can't wipe that smile off your face when you see them..
you just have the best memories with them and everything.

then, one of you's end it.
over probably the best reason, or the most pathetic.
both of you are sad, yes your sad. You cry, cry cry cry.
obviously, one of you's don't know what or how you've hurt the person you've loved for awhile.
you give them everything, tell them everything, there the only person you pay attention to. you love them to bits.
you then think thats going to be a memory, never again shared with the boy/girl you love.

you think of the worst, they don't love you anymore, they just have changed there feelings about everything and anything. Regect is a bad word, i myself hate it.

I MYSELF IS GOING THROUGH THIS PAIN RIGHT NOW.

Me and my boyfriend were together for four months - we had broken up of course in that amount of time - but i never knew it was going to end up like this. Me broken.. him i have no idea. I haven't talked to him for a day, i'm going completely nuts. Avril Lavgine i'm listening to, and honestly, thats completely sickning, since she's a fag. But yes, its been over 30 hours now me and him split, and i tell you what i'm a wreck, more then i was before when we both broke up.
Now i think its because i know its for good. There's this girl, completely, pretty. Honestly, she's hell pretty. His ex.... yes. He still has feelings for her, i know it. She makes me feel like the worst person on earth. All thats in my mind lately is him and her, it wont go away. i have dreams about them together. its ridiculous. I'm so broken, my whole body aches.
I never knew how much water, tear ducks actually carry, where does it come from?
He's broken me into bits, and i have nothing to help myself back up now. I miss him, and its only been a day. How pathetic am i?
Our relationship changed, to being the best thing ever, to i have no idea, there are literally no words to explain how it was.
No love?
but we loved each other, well i knew i loved him so much.
he was everything, and i know thats probably dumb to say, but literally he was my first all. My goal setter. My everything. its like when you have your favourite doll, and you never wanna let it go, cause its so adorable, and you wanna show everybody how amazing it is. Well i wanted my relationship to be like that three months ago. It was, then everybody turned there back on him, started disliking him, not liking him being with me. What Happened i asked myself daily.
He hurt me thats what. He didn't know how though, not abuse. Just hurt in ways how he did stuff.
It wasn't nice, i never wanted to think he was hurting me i knew it wasn't on purpose... but now i do think twice.
maybe?
i'm really no sure. I miss him yanno?

i miss the little things, his funny little jokes, how he used to say so good all the time, how he taught me everything.
he was amazing.
we lost it though.
I'm sure the memories will stay stuck with me for along time... i hope.
Although i'm scared for the worst, his ex ex.. she goes to my school.
we hate each other.. so that will be not so good if that happpened again with them.

i love you tj, you'll always have something special in my heart.